Updated: April 9, 2024

The Lyin, The Rich, and the Wardrobe

The Adventures of King Alloy the III

He who hath ears to hear...

It was the best of times for the Prussian Grolov Kingdom. Its domination of all lands east and west had extended into its 3rd decade under King Alloy III.

The Kingdom’s strength was the power and tenacity of its warriors. While the War Charter of 115 A.D. dictated that no soldier could be older than 22 years, an amendment approved by the Council of Dark Arts allowed warriors no older than 24 under particular circumstances, such as when the child’s father wanted him to be very successful. These young men were called “Readjustments.”

While many Houses followed the Charter as written, the Prussian Grolovs were the oldest and most potent of any House for thousands of miles. They valued Readjustments, and that decision paid off handsomely.

For centuries, stories have been told about the sheer force and carnage induced by a Readjustment when using their broadswords. It has been said that these warriors could slice through three enemies with one swipe of their blade. Battles were over before they had even begun.

The War Charter of 115 also mandated that a broadsword be forged from Compossium. The War Counsel inspected all swords from all Houses; none were ever deemed unworthy for battle. Each, it was declared, had passed the test. Of course, the peasant public had no view of the inspection process, and all were required to pledge allegiance to the council. The War Charter’s Head Inspector was Lord Unitas Saint Stephen Swarthmore Abington. He, along with a hand-picked secret conglomerate of men and Minotaurs, determined whether weapons were battle-ready.

After King Alloy III passed away due to an unfortunate chastity belt incident, his son and Heir to the throne, Prince Monopolus, began questioning the dominance of his own armies. After many meetings behind closed doors, Prince Monopolus, now King Monopolus, determined that the use of Readjustments in no way contributed to unfair victories but, instead, it was the inferior use of metals by their opponents. Composium broadsword were superior, and opponents, who used a cheap alloy the locals called Fire Root, were the reason they could not compete.

When any commoner suggested to Prince Monopolus or his high court, Psuedious Scienti, to remove Readjustments from battle and to be more transparent with the broadsword approval process, they were required to pledge allegiance to the War Counsel and then beheaded in the town square as a heretic.

King Monopolus continued to rule for 60 more years. He became known in some circles as Monopolus the Masochist for the stories of the brutal suffering enemy soldiers felt at the hands of the Readjustments and for the punishing tax peasants were required to pay for the expensive mining of Composium.

One day, when walking to his chamber pot, King Monopolus was trampled to death by the public who had heard of his misdeeds. “Off with his head,” they yelled as they stormed the castle gates. And thus ended the reign of King Monopolus and his band.

The End.